'A mental mindfuck can be nice'

..but it can also be very fucking confusing. I think I need to simmer down a little if I want my relationships to survive. I am a strange lady, but luckily, it is becoming increasingly obvious that the people in my life are pretty odd too.

And now, I must go, for a girly sleepover.

I need to sort my life out.

A little incoherent rant about feeling lucky to have friends.

Today has got me to thinking about friendships. Wonderful wonderful friendships.

There have been a lot of things to make me happy, and a lot of things to make me sad, and then a film made me very confused. Woah there, a direct reference to my life, I think I'm getting too comfortable with this blogging lark.. Anywho, it seems as though what I have in my friends is reaffirming itself to me in various ways. Sometimes it takes a reunion, sometimes it takes a worry. I guess our needs for contact and support are the fundamental foundations for any sort of healthy relationship. And thats why it helps. But ENOUGH analysis. I am very tired, which is why my thoughts are coming out in even more of a messy clump then usual. But as this is a blog and not an essay, I hope I'll be forgiven.

And as I leave you tonight, my life is happily intact.

Love

x

Gah!

Yes I know, two blogs in two days, it's pretty odd. But as the pressure to work has started up again, it's an excellent form of procrastination..

It's also a little scary, knowing how much needs to be done in such a short period of time, gah! My computer doesn't think gah is a word, it definitely is. I've gotten so used to lying around doing exactly as I please, it's going to be a struggle motivating my lazy behind.

I've also noticed that I seem to be publishing my every thought on facebook, which is not only pathetic, but also makes me highly hypocritical. Even writing a blog is pretty exhibitionistic (yes, that is a word, and if it isn't, it's a term I'm coining right now) but we all have to vent somehow, don't we?

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to read all about New Hollywood, and possibly fall asleep on this very comfy chair..

Love

Independance

It's on my mind.

It's odd that it's taken me so long to actually pass comment on it, it's been a recurring theme in my life for so long now. I've wished for it since I was a little girl, and fought fiercely against any sort of authority I've encountered. I've grown up, learned a little more every day about how the world works, and where I fit in to all that. Now it feels like I carry my world on my back, and everyone else's worries on my shoulders. Theoretically, it should have turned me into a useless, nervous wreck by now, but I seem to have taken at least most of it in my stride, dealing with each thing as it comes. Probably because it hasn't all happened at once.

But when I stopped to think about it, I realised it's a lot more significant then I had previously thought.. Though the little independence I have now (compared with what I expect to have when I grow up) is largely artificial, controlled and measured, it still brings a lot of responsibility. I don't have a lot of restrictions anymore, I can see who I want, when I want (providing they want to see me of course) and do what I want whenever I want (within reason). That alone seems to have brought me up a level in terms of emotional maturity (comparatively). Although I can call in favours from time to time, to take the pressure off and cry like a baby (usually to my mum) I tend to deal with my shit alone, and a lot more. It occurred to me today, that maybe it's not exactly healthy, and maybe, I've neglected to tell the people I care about that I feel this way. They should know, I could be overdue for a breakdown (probably not though).

One of the most important things to take away from this I think though, is how much I appreciate the help I've had in my times of need. And to be entirely fair to the people who know, the people who matter, and who care, there have been many.

<3

Love from me.