Independance

It's on my mind.

It's odd that it's taken me so long to actually pass comment on it, it's been a recurring theme in my life for so long now. I've wished for it since I was a little girl, and fought fiercely against any sort of authority I've encountered. I've grown up, learned a little more every day about how the world works, and where I fit in to all that. Now it feels like I carry my world on my back, and everyone else's worries on my shoulders. Theoretically, it should have turned me into a useless, nervous wreck by now, but I seem to have taken at least most of it in my stride, dealing with each thing as it comes. Probably because it hasn't all happened at once.

But when I stopped to think about it, I realised it's a lot more significant then I had previously thought.. Though the little independence I have now (compared with what I expect to have when I grow up) is largely artificial, controlled and measured, it still brings a lot of responsibility. I don't have a lot of restrictions anymore, I can see who I want, when I want (providing they want to see me of course) and do what I want whenever I want (within reason). That alone seems to have brought me up a level in terms of emotional maturity (comparatively). Although I can call in favours from time to time, to take the pressure off and cry like a baby (usually to my mum) I tend to deal with my shit alone, and a lot more. It occurred to me today, that maybe it's not exactly healthy, and maybe, I've neglected to tell the people I care about that I feel this way. They should know, I could be overdue for a breakdown (probably not though).

One of the most important things to take away from this I think though, is how much I appreciate the help I've had in my times of need. And to be entirely fair to the people who know, the people who matter, and who care, there have been many.

<3

Love from me.